Review; Damn Average's Orc Dildo~!

If you're looking for something erring a little less on the high fantasy side, etsy based dildo artist Damn Average has something you may love..

The Model~

The Orc, as suggested by it's name, is a phallic dildo sculpted to replicated the thick, studded member of a fearsome (and quite frankly fantastic) Orc. Frenulum & Prince Albert piercings delight when thrusting in and out and add a little variation to the otherwise uniform texture..

The Orc was sculpted entirely by hand by Damn Average, the founding lady of the Etsy-based company. For me, this adds an entirely new charm to the actual dildo, knowing that somebody has lovingly rendered this wonder phallus right down to the charmingly asymmetrical balls.

Each of the piercings has been sculpted with such detail.. It would be so easy to just place the ends of each piercing on the phallus its self, then forget that the skin moves and distorts around the foreign material. The wrinkles around the balls of the piercings are so wonderfully accurate, showing that the artist has gone the extra mile to evoke realism to this particular toy. This is also notable around the uncut foreskin which partially covers the head of the toy, another little detail which I like.

One final mention about details.. My particular Orc had a little accident, so his shaft has a wonderful wonkiness to it.. I know, I know, that sounds so odd. It's not like.. a 90 degree angle kind of wonk, it's just a slight variation in the shaft, which makes him lovely and unique and a pleasure to use.

My Toy~

I often find myself checking Damn Average's Etsy shop in pursuit of awesomely coloured dildos, and having admired a few of the models for a while now I took the plunge.

I saw that the shop had been updated with an Orc who'd had a small incident; He'd been knocked over during curing, leading to a slight wonk in his shaft and a differently coloured silicone core where the uncured silicone had split upon being knocked over. He also has the most adorable neon green freckle on his head.. I just couldn't resist these charms, and snapped him up immediately.

The coloration I have is a take on the natural colours of the Orc; Pearly, flushed pink tip fading to a really pretty tealy green shaft. Usually the Orc would fade to a typical Orcish green shaft, however mine is a bit different.. and this makes him awesome.

Although harder than I would normally risk, I decided to purchase the toy and try DA's Hard firmness.

Damn Average offers two firmnesses, and in a nutshell these are Hard, and Soft. As of yet, there is no Medium firmness, but if in doubt simply contact her about potentially purchasing a few little samples of each firmness so you can decide.

Funny I should recommend this, really.. I should have considered my firmness choice a little more when I ordered this toy, because upon arriving with a couple of other little items I'd ordered I realised that this was way, way firmer than anything I'd used. This is the risk you take when you fall in love with an In-stock toy, though! I could have easily custom ordered a toy very similar, but what drew me to purchasing this one in particular was all of his little quirks.

DA compares her hard firmness (hilariously) to "an erect penis or roll of hard salami (no joke!) but bendier." Keeping this in mind, I purchased my Orc, however I must not have groped enough Salami (wink wink) as I found it was a lot firmer than I was expecting. Her soft she compares to "a little firmer than a gummy bear", and I agree with this mostly. My tentacle is soft, but a little firmer than I thought, but I prefer this over the Hard. It has a wonderful give to it and is must more forgiving than the Hard firmness.

DA toys do not come with any extras such as come tubes or suction cups, but she is very skilled with pigments and can cast and mix some amazing colourations! She also has a small arsenal of Glow in the Dark pigments as well as recently experimenting with body safe glitter mixed throughout the silicone to give true sparkles, not just simple shine.

In Use

As I have previously mentioned, This toy is much firmer than any other toy I'm used to. This aside, the model is just the right size without being too small.. I am somewhat spoiled when it comes to the toy sizes I can use.. Having started out with a below average capacity, I now comfortably use things much above the average measurements, yet still find this toy pleasantly filling.

The shape of this toy gives it an interesting feel when inside. It bulges a little in the center, giving a gentle stretch before tapering back in right above the balls.. Something I love as this kind of shape seems to work perfectly with my internal anatomy.

The length is perfect for those days when I'm not quite up to depth; it matches the length of an average phallus pretty damn well and this means it can be a toy for any occasion or any time in my cycle. If this toy were softer, it would be a true, all-round monthly toy, but it is a little too rough for use around my menstrual cycle.

Texture wise, this toy is completely smooth barring the heads of the piercings.. In the Hard firmness these are very intense, and can really be felt when thrusting roughly. The set that can be felt the most are certainly the Jacobs ladder down the underside of the phallus; these really strum in and out when riding and using this toy at speed, so bare this in mind when choosing your firmness. They are indeed a little too intense for me, but in a softer silicone I feel as though they would be a lot more fun!

Overall Opinion?

A great toy made from a fantastic material, The Orc is a wonderful all rounder. If you find yourself nauseated by typical phallic dildos, the Orc is just fantasy enough to take the edge off of the more true to life shape. Here are my Pro's and Cons!

Pros;

• Good size. Neither too large nor too small, suitable for both experienced and less experienced users
• Full customization to your hearts content
• Wonderful body safe material, easily sterilized.
• Fantastic Company to deal with. Super smooth sailing all the way through.

Cons;

• Silicone Firmnesses are a little hard to guage if purchasing for the first time
• Piercings may be a little rough in the Hard firmness
• Perhaps a little small for those who like big toys

So yes! Damn Average is a dream to work with and is super sweet to boot. She goes the extra mile to make her customers happy and will literally take any challenge thrown at her, truly showing how skilled she is with silicone. I look forward to seeing this quaint little company expands in to something it truly deserves. Go and nab yourself something from the shop.. You won't be disappointed~

Review; Bad Dragon's Waterhorse!

The Waterhorse is one of the few retired Bad Dragon models, therefore I will be reviewing a toy that is no longer available for purchase.

This toy is almost as old as the website itself and seemingly based off of a playful, lochness monster style creature. An unusual shape and design, this toy has a pleasantly organic look to it with it's many creases and folds which is initially what drew me toward purchasing it. Not to fear, though. A small following of the Waterhorse have created a revival thread in the hopes of redesigning and fixing some of the faults that lead to the dismissal of the original Waterhorse. You can find the thread here.

The Waterhorse was originally available in the three standardised sizes; Small, Medium and Large. This was before the time of the XL so those looking for a bigger challenge often overlooked this underappreciated toy. Since this toy has been discontinued and removed from the website I cannot link to a size chart, However here is a capture from the page when it was live last year;

As well as different sizes, the company offers three different firmnesses; 3 (Soft), 5 (Medium), and 8 (Hard). This refers to the firmness of silicone that you choose to have your toy made in. 3 is comparable to a firm gummy bear, 5 is similar to a flexed muscle, and 8 I would compare to a rubber ball— firm, but with some give.  If in doubt, Go Medium (5) firm!

You can also order you toy with a split firmness. For example, you can have the shaft in Soft (3), and the base in Firm (8), so that the shaft is forgiving but the base is sturdy.  You can combine any firmnesses for split firm, and it can easily be selected when ordering.

Not only can you customise those options, but you can also order your toy in any combination of any colours, including glow in the dark, metallic, and pearly finishes.

The Waterhorse was available with a Cumtube, however not with a suction cup (If I remember correctly.)

Bad Dragon’s toys are all cast in 100% platinum cured silicone which is body safe, phthalates free and hypoallergenic, meaning it can be easily sterilized after use. This is particularly good if you find this toy not to suit your needs, as it can easily be sterilized after use .

You’ll want to use water based lubricant with these toys since Silicone Lubricant can destroy and damage your toy. Keep this in mind if using condoms with toys— double check your lubricant! If you're unsure about your lube, you can check out The Lube Compatibility thread here.

My Toy

My toy is Medium Sized, Medium Firm with no extra's. I purchased my toy during the Extinction sale-- a sale in which 5 of the least loved toys were sold for a limited time at a reduced price before being banished forever, never to return. In fear of losing it forever, I took the plunge and ordered myself one of these guys as I'd always loved the very organic and natural look that the Waterhorse offered. I had always planned to go for a beautiful, natural colour on my Waterhorse.. You know, Browns, pinks and creams.. but I ended up opting for the karabos' Lightning bug colouration on a whim, and although I sometimes regret my choice this toy always makes me smile. It's so absurd and bright and the base is so big that it's light a night light!

I often choose Soft firmness for medium sized toys, however the Waterhorse is somewhat smaller than most mediums (in girth) as well as being spindly and narrow, so I chose Medium firm in the hope that it wouldn't be too wobbly in use. When it arrived I was very pleased with all my chosen options. Both the colour and firmness were bang on, and the toy itself although wibbly, isn't too soft at all.

The Waterhorse has an overall length of around 10.5'' and an insertable length of around 8.5''. Upon measuring this, it seems at though the actual total length is 9.5'', Total insertable length is 8'', and, for good measure, the tip of the head to the sheath is 5''. It is often the case that with the older models, their size charts don't quite match up to the product in person, however with a toy such as this with a strange shape, measurements can be open to discrepancy. 

This is a comparison between the toy and your average Relentless can (500ml);

My personal in-use experience..

The Waterhorse is a funny one. A lot of people, including myself, look at this toy and wonder just how to go about using it. It has a strange curve and a strange thickness about it, being very ovular and flat in shape. Also the head is triangular.. There's no ease of entry with this toy, so if you purchased a size too large it is going to be rather difficult to work up to this toy.

The toy itself has mild to minimum surface texture, something that is caused by the 3D printing process of the moulds. Once lubricated this toy is smooth, however if it were any firmer I have a feeling that it would be quite abrasive since the head is quite flat and could rub in all the wrong ways. There is very little detailing on the first 5'' of shaft, but once you reach the sheathed area of the toy there are lots of folds and creases that could potentially give a very ribbed feeling to said portion of the toy.. a lovely contrast to the somewhat plain upper shaft.

In terms of actually using this toy, it is all about trial and error, I think. My first few tries resulted in frustration and disappointment, since this toy has the potential to hit all the right, OR all the wrong spots depending on several factors. Once I finally hit the right spots though, I was very impressed. To date, this is the only toy that has got me coming close to and even slightly squirting. It must be something about the way that angular head rubs my g-spot, because there I was, perched on the edge of the tub enjoying him, when the urge and feeling of needing to pee came over me. 

Ignoring all my initial instincts and pushing on (I'd heard this was a sign of female ejaculation) I kept going until I was overcame by an intense rushing feeling, and rather than squirting I kind of just.. gushed. Not loads but there was definitely a different substance on myself and the toy, and let me assure you it wasn't pee. It was much more viscous! The only other toy that makes me gush this way is Moko, so I was pleasantly surprised by this event. 

A round of applause for the Waterhorse! Clearly he thrives best in his natural environment...

Overall Experience?

I find it such a shame that this under appreciated toy is no longer available for sale. Here are some of my good and not good points;

• Beautiful organic design, very easy on the eyes
• A lovely combination of a smooth shaft and texture sheath for dual stimulation
• User friendly sizes.. Nothing too large or small

Points that aren't so good;

• The shape, although elegant, may be difficult to work with
• The head is poorly shaped for penetration
• This toy isn't available to buy any more!

Truly stuff of legends, this toy was good in it's prime! Maybe it will make a reappearance some time in the future? Who knows...