Review; Damn Average's Orc Dildo~!

If you're looking for something erring a little less on the high fantasy side, etsy based dildo artist Damn Average has something you may love..

The Model~

The Orc, as suggested by it's name, is a phallic dildo sculpted to replicated the thick, studded member of a fearsome (and quite frankly fantastic) Orc. Frenulum & Prince Albert piercings delight when thrusting in and out and add a little variation to the otherwise uniform texture..

The Orc was sculpted entirely by hand by Damn Average, the founding lady of the Etsy-based company. For me, this adds an entirely new charm to the actual dildo, knowing that somebody has lovingly rendered this wonder phallus right down to the charmingly asymmetrical balls.

Each of the piercings has been sculpted with such detail.. It would be so easy to just place the ends of each piercing on the phallus its self, then forget that the skin moves and distorts around the foreign material. The wrinkles around the balls of the piercings are so wonderfully accurate, showing that the artist has gone the extra mile to evoke realism to this particular toy. This is also notable around the uncut foreskin which partially covers the head of the toy, another little detail which I like.

One final mention about details.. My particular Orc had a little accident, so his shaft has a wonderful wonkiness to it.. I know, I know, that sounds so odd. It's not like.. a 90 degree angle kind of wonk, it's just a slight variation in the shaft, which makes him lovely and unique and a pleasure to use.

My Toy~

I often find myself checking Damn Average's Etsy shop in pursuit of awesomely coloured dildos, and having admired a few of the models for a while now I took the plunge.

I saw that the shop had been updated with an Orc who'd had a small incident; He'd been knocked over during curing, leading to a slight wonk in his shaft and a differently coloured silicone core where the uncured silicone had split upon being knocked over. He also has the most adorable neon green freckle on his head.. I just couldn't resist these charms, and snapped him up immediately.

The coloration I have is a take on the natural colours of the Orc; Pearly, flushed pink tip fading to a really pretty tealy green shaft. Usually the Orc would fade to a typical Orcish green shaft, however mine is a bit different.. and this makes him awesome.

Although harder than I would normally risk, I decided to purchase the toy and try DA's Hard firmness.

Damn Average offers two firmnesses, and in a nutshell these are Hard, and Soft. As of yet, there is no Medium firmness, but if in doubt simply contact her about potentially purchasing a few little samples of each firmness so you can decide.

Funny I should recommend this, really.. I should have considered my firmness choice a little more when I ordered this toy, because upon arriving with a couple of other little items I'd ordered I realised that this was way, way firmer than anything I'd used. This is the risk you take when you fall in love with an In-stock toy, though! I could have easily custom ordered a toy very similar, but what drew me to purchasing this one in particular was all of his little quirks.

DA compares her hard firmness (hilariously) to "an erect penis or roll of hard salami (no joke!) but bendier." Keeping this in mind, I purchased my Orc, however I must not have groped enough Salami (wink wink) as I found it was a lot firmer than I was expecting. Her soft she compares to "a little firmer than a gummy bear", and I agree with this mostly. My tentacle is soft, but a little firmer than I thought, but I prefer this over the Hard. It has a wonderful give to it and is must more forgiving than the Hard firmness.

DA toys do not come with any extras such as come tubes or suction cups, but she is very skilled with pigments and can cast and mix some amazing colourations! She also has a small arsenal of Glow in the Dark pigments as well as recently experimenting with body safe glitter mixed throughout the silicone to give true sparkles, not just simple shine.

In Use

As I have previously mentioned, This toy is much firmer than any other toy I'm used to. This aside, the model is just the right size without being too small.. I am somewhat spoiled when it comes to the toy sizes I can use.. Having started out with a below average capacity, I now comfortably use things much above the average measurements, yet still find this toy pleasantly filling.

The shape of this toy gives it an interesting feel when inside. It bulges a little in the center, giving a gentle stretch before tapering back in right above the balls.. Something I love as this kind of shape seems to work perfectly with my internal anatomy.

The length is perfect for those days when I'm not quite up to depth; it matches the length of an average phallus pretty damn well and this means it can be a toy for any occasion or any time in my cycle. If this toy were softer, it would be a true, all-round monthly toy, but it is a little too rough for use around my menstrual cycle.

Texture wise, this toy is completely smooth barring the heads of the piercings.. In the Hard firmness these are very intense, and can really be felt when thrusting roughly. The set that can be felt the most are certainly the Jacobs ladder down the underside of the phallus; these really strum in and out when riding and using this toy at speed, so bare this in mind when choosing your firmness. They are indeed a little too intense for me, but in a softer silicone I feel as though they would be a lot more fun!

Overall Opinion?

A great toy made from a fantastic material, The Orc is a wonderful all rounder. If you find yourself nauseated by typical phallic dildos, the Orc is just fantasy enough to take the edge off of the more true to life shape. Here are my Pro's and Cons!

Pros;

• Good size. Neither too large nor too small, suitable for both experienced and less experienced users
• Full customization to your hearts content
• Wonderful body safe material, easily sterilized.
• Fantastic Company to deal with. Super smooth sailing all the way through.

Cons;

• Silicone Firmnesses are a little hard to guage if purchasing for the first time
• Piercings may be a little rough in the Hard firmness
• Perhaps a little small for those who like big toys

So yes! Damn Average is a dream to work with and is super sweet to boot. She goes the extra mile to make her customers happy and will literally take any challenge thrown at her, truly showing how skilled she is with silicone. I look forward to seeing this quaint little company expands in to something it truly deserves. Go and nab yourself something from the shop.. You won't be disappointed~

Starting from the bottom.

So.. You’ve got the money, you’re flicking through the Bad Dragon home page and everything looks so delicious.. What do you choose?

Now that all depends on what you’re after! Are you male or female? New to toying or experienced? Do you want girth, texture, length or all of the above? Too much choice!!

Let’s strip it right back to the basics. First off, Are you using this toy Anally or Vaginally? Heck, it could be a combination of the two, but whichever you’ll be using it for most is something to keep in mind. If you’re new to anal you’ll want something small, tapered and easy to insert. Thankfully Bad Dragon does offer smaller toys (believe it or not) and models such as Elden, the Xeno and the Gryphon can be a lovely, unintimidating place to start. The great thing is that some, but not all, small toys can come equipped with a cumtube, which is super useful because remember guys, Butt’s don’t lubricate themselves! From personal experience, The small chance can be amazing for anal— don’t let his blunt head discourage you, once he’s in it’s a smooth ride from there.

If you’re a complete vaginal virgin, then I’d also recommend similar toys for you ladies. Smooth, tapered and easy to insert is super important if you’ve never experience any real penetration before. Unlike butts, Vagina’s can really suffer from being over exerted. Now I know butt’s can tear too, But vagina’s can easily get bruised, irritated and infected if pushed too far, too fast. Things such as yeast infections and UTI’s can be stirred up if you ladies aren’t careful. Again, Plenty of lubricant and patience is key to getting the most out of your new toy.

So you’ve eased yourself in to the world of Bad Dragon; What next? Time to upgrade! Now that you have an idea of your limits, you can really start having fun. Sticking with smalls at first, you can really start considering what you’d like to experience next. If your first toy was silky smooth, why not try something more textured like Clayton or Bruiser? Those ridges and bumps could stimulate spots that previously lay hidden and open your eyes to a whole new orgasmic world. Mediums aren’t out of the question, though. Because BD’s size standardising a little off, there are a couple models who’s medium sizes aren’t too wild a challenge for the inexperienced; The Gryphon, tentacle, fairy dragon, Doberman and xenogon are all within the realms of tameable, even if they’re a little long or wide toward the bottom, but that just gives you a little to work up to.

This is the fun thing about Bad Dragon toys.. Your favourite designs offer many different sizes and features, so even if you outgrow your old one you can always upgrade. And you know what upgrading means… New colours! New features! You can completely overhaul the toy you previously had to open a new world of fantasies. A new challenge lies ahead and it’s exciting. You get to relive the thrill of placing your order and waiting for those words to change to “Being Manufactured", “Packed" and finally “Shipped." I own many BD toys and I still get a rush of impatient excitement when I see that my toy’s status has changed. It’s always exciting to see how the Shop Dragon’s have crafted your special, individual toy, just for you.

So, my frisky little friends.. run free in a meadow of dongles! Embrace your sexuality and explore new things~ 

Come tube demo!

There we go, Guys! For anybody wondering how a cumtube works, here you go. Easy peasy.

Review; Bad Dragon's Cole the Dane!

Cole the Great Dane is one of the newer designs released by Bad Dragon. Debuted at well known furry convention back in 2012, this design was subject to mixed opinions. There was already a Canine-themed toy that had been part of the Bad Dragon line up for a long time, however the new Dog turned out to be shorter, fatter, and much more pleasing than it's smaller counterpart. Not a toy for those who're put off by more Feral looking designs, Cole is unmistakably similar to urr.. Real dog anatomy, however don't let this put you off.. Cole is surprisingly pleasing. In my head, my Cole is less of a Dog and more of a Werewolf~

Available in four different sizes ranging from Small to Extra-large, Bad Dragon has taken in to consideration the broad spectrum of users that their company caters to, so you’ll definitely find a size that suits your needs. You can find a full size chart here.

As well as different sizes, the company offers three different firmnesses; 3 (Soft), 5 (Medium), and 8 (Hard). This refers to the firmness of silicone that you choose to have your toy made in. 3 is comparable to a firm gummy bear, 5 is similar to a flexed muscle, and 8 I would compare to a rubber ball— firm, but with some give.  If in doubt, Go Medium (5) firm! But remember.. Thickness totally affects how firmness is perceived. Since this toy has a very fat knot, you might want to factor in this when deciding on your firmness.

You can also order you toy with a split firmness. For example, you can have the shaft in Soft (3), and the base in Firm (8), so that the shaft is forgiving but the base is sturdy.  You can combine any firmnesses for split firm, and it can easily be selected when ordering.

Not only can you customise those options, but you can also order your toy in any combination of any colours, including glow in the dark, metallic, and pearly finishes.

Cole the Dane is 100% cumtube compatible (Even the small!), meaning deep lubricating for those who need a hand. However, the small cannot support both a suction cup AND a cumtube, so that's something you will have to decide on. If you really want both, an option is to buy a double sided suction cup or two and use those to stick your toy to whatever surface you like! All other sizes are able to support both SC & CT though.

Bad Dragon’s toys are all cast in 100% platinum cured silicone which is body safe, phthalates free and hypoallergenic, meaning it can be easily sterilized after use. This is particularly good if you find this toy not to suit your needs, as it can easily be sterilized after use .

You’ll want to use water based lubricant with these toys since Silicone Lubricant can destroy and damage your toy. Keep this in mind if using condoms with toys— double check your lubricant! If you're unsure about your lube, you can check out The Lube Compatibility thread here.

My Toy

My Cole is medium sized, Medium firm, and supports a cumtube. His gorgeous colouration is what appears to be a failed Hot Poker, since it's a little more peachy toward the tip rather than the fiery yellow shown in the shock photo. I originally bought this toy as a flop for a hefty discount, his only fault being an air bubble on the sheath.. Something that I don't even notice unless I look really close. Considering this toy has a cumtube AND an expensive, toy exclusive colouration, I nabbed from for a paltry $78. Not bad, Eh? 

Cole is pretty damn firm.. He's Medium firm, something I wouldn't normally go for in a medium toy, however because it was a flop it was simply a risk I took for the hefty discount. Although I'd say he was pretty firm, I wouldn't want him any softer. Toys loose a certain something when they're too soft. There's a sense of realism to a toy being quite firm, and I quite like this. Despite him having a high pearl pigment (it's more like a satin sheen on this toy,) I've not noticed it feeling any softer, unlike my other shiny toys.)

Cole has a stated total length of 9'' (Which measures up true) and a stated insertable length of 7.3'', which is pretty much exact too. The circumference mid shaft is about 6'', and the circumference of the knot is around 8.3'', making this toy pretty chunky all round.

This is a comparison between the toy and your average Relentless can (500ml);

My personal in-use experience..

I really do love my Cole. His shaft is deliciously chunky and plenty long enough that if you can't manage the knot, it's still satisfying. 

His surface texture is velvety smooth and doesn't have as much drag as some of the other smooth toys. Everything about it is just.. Right. It lubricates really well and stays slick without having to reapply. It also helps that this toy has a cumtube, which helps to really coat my insidey bits with plenty of lube for the finishing act.. The knot.

The first time I used this toy I was overwhelmed by how good it was.. I couldn't dream about taking the knot at first, however the smooth, elliptical shaft just did everything right. The slight spade to the head just nuzzles right under my cervix as opposed to just jabbing it- something I was concerned about since this toy was firmer than ideal.

Needless to say this toy took a lot of work and patience in order to tackle the knot.. I mean, c'mon. It's  about as big round as my fist! After much warming up and toying with my Fiance, I soon felt ready to try and tackle this Beast's knot. 

Filling me full of lube, He pushed forward gently. My god, the stretch.. Its the kind of feeling where you aren't sure if you should stop or keep going. I'm a small girl and this is a big toy! Little by little the knot pushed inside of me, Until.. Pop! I crested the thickest part of the toy and the rest drove in. It felt amazing, but was almost too much.. This was the fullest toy I've ever had inside of me and the fact that it's firmer than soft makes it feel so damn solid. I couldn't hold the knot there for long, but long enough for my Fiance to fill me to the brim with lube. It's such an amazing feeling to push the knot out using your muscle, followed by spilling the fake seed all over the towel. 

I don't often knot this toy, but his shaft is to die for. I'm hoping one day to get to the point where I can properly fuck the knot without it having to just stay tied with me. Mmphf~

Overall Experience?

If you can get over the design of this toy, he'll certainly show you a good time. Here are some of my favourite points about Cole;

• Smooth, Easy to insert.
• Can support a suction cup. Yay!
• Nice fat knot with space to tie
• Delicious fat shaft with a wonderful, eliptical shape
• Rounded tip for less ouchie-stabbyness for those with sensitive cervixes

Points that aren't so good;

• The knot is huuuuuuge.
• Generally quite a thick toy, not for beginners
• It's definitely akin to real canine anatomy. this may turn some folks off

Truly a girls best friend, I'd take a silver bullet for this beast. Have you got a home in your heart for this Great Dane?

Purchase your own Bad Dragon beastie today!

Review; Bad Dragon's Cumlube!

Cumlube is a patented lubricant that is exclusive to Bad Dragon. The product is offered in both white and clear forms. Obviously the white is supposed to mimic real ejaculate, whereas the clear less so. I supposed it could imitate female ejaculate, but either way there is an option between the two.

There's nothing too alarming in the ingredients, however a small caution; For those ladies who may be sensitive to lubricants, I'd steer away from the white. It contains Titanium Dioxide, which has been shown (through many claims on the forum it's self) to cause Urinary Tract Infections when used in women prone to these. This is because, while body safe, the Titanium Dioxide doesn't really break down and can build up in the urethral opening. Guys, you should be fine, But if you're using penetrable's with an excess of lube, take care and clean yourselves well.

Here is a photo of the ingredients on the white lubricant. The clear is identical, excluding the Titanium Dioxide;

The Lubricant itself has a good consistency, however it does boarder on the runny side. For those of you looking for a lubricant that mimics ejaculate (as the name suggests..), this is the most convincing lubricant you can buy that I know of.

There is no apparent smell or taste to this lube, and although it is safe to ingest it's often advised against doing so in large quantities since it can make you quite sick. Im pretty sure there was a video floating around youtube a while back of someone drinking cumlube.. Yeesh. Also.. the slimy texture of this lube makes it pretty unpalatable to start off with. 

A quick photo of the spiel on the side of the bottle;

Upon application, it will become apparent that the lubricant is very, very slick and somewhat sticky. It strings easily between your fingers and the toy, which is both a blessing and a curse since this can causes seemingly everything to be covered in lube..

Another thing to note is that if you're using this lubricant in the bathroom or in an area that is tiled, be very, very careful after play. The lube can stay slick for days and if you miss just one spot when cleaning up it could cause a nasty fall-- I myself have had a close call in the tub where forgotten lube lingered.

A good thing about this lubricant is that if it dries out, a simple application of water or saliva can slick it up again. I've heard of people keeping a small spray bottle near their play area so that they can easily mist the dried spot and continue their fun. If all else fails though, simply reapply.

For those of you who purchase toys with cumtubes, You will always recieved a bottle of White Cumlube free with the order. This is a pretty good deal considering a cumtube is $20, and you get a free syringe and lube which would normally cost you $10 for the two. 

Cumlube can also be purchased in bulk (8 bottles) for $48, which also includes one free extra bottle! I think you should be able to ticket and request your bulk-bought lube to be half and half if you wish. That would be 4 white and 4 clear.

I personally use Cumlube a lot, however I prefer to cut it with another, thicker water based lubricant, such as Maximus or Durex 2 in 1 massage.. I do this because it just helps increase the longevity of the cumlube whilst keeping all of it's original properties. I rarely have to reapply when using this half-and-half mixture, and it smells good to boot! Just make sure that if you're mixing lubricants that they're both water based, because Silicone can destroy you toys.

If anybody still has any questions or queries regarding Cumlube, don't hesitate to ask.

Purchase your Cumlube at Bad Dragon!